I have started to clear out the old draft folder trying to decide which stories to keep and share. I started writing this right before the April blog challenge and wanted to share this. I was thinking of using it on the day of the letter S. Living in the Shadow of Stigma.
Loving an addict is a lonely place to be especially when there comes a time that you realize you have none or just two very close friends who have stuck by your side throughout the fight. I have lost many very close friends. I guarantee you, it is a lonely place to be. It's often bad enough when you're friends have deserted, it's even more devastating when your family leaves you. And yes, that is where I lived for a very long time at the corner of Loneliness and Addiction for too many years.
Me, oh I used to love to laugh. I could laugh at anything, joke about anything, write anything funny because I wanted others to laugh too. Along the way, I lost my laughter, that joy for writing something funny. I couldn't even laugh so why try making others laugh?
Besides my Higher Power, I have to thank my hubby. He stood by me through all of this when many other families have broken apart.
On the days I said I wasn't getting up he did not allow any of that. He picked me up and said, "not today." Had it not have been for his persistence I am sure I would have sunk into a depression. There were often many days we put on music and just danced.
There were many days we also sat and talked because we really still don't understand many of the why's, like why our son?
I had many days of setting crying, begging, pleading, questioning and a few times cursing at God, Why Us?
Living in the Shadows of the Stigma of this disease is lonely. In those shadows I had people tell me that they wished our son would die. When I came out of the darkness and started speaking out it was then that so many told me our son was worth saving.
I once had someone tell me they were going to kill my son. I have had family members tell me, to beat the shit out of him. Sadly, you can't beat addiction out of someone by means of assault and battery. If it were that easy I would have done that long ago.
I learned last year some of the answers to the why questions. For instance Why Us?
I believe it is so that I could be here, right now telling you our story, finding information to help others who are in this very place- they too love someone addicted.
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