Giving It All Up To A Higher Power Let It Go and Let God!

On a day in late June (the 28th as a matter of fact) after meditating and doing my daily devotions I I was setting at my table watching the candles I was burning, a nice lavender candle and a lemongrass candle I had made. I watched the flames as they danced and just breathing in the calming oils I had put together. I remember just out of the blue I said aloud, God I need a little down time here. Just a little time to breathe is all that I need. I'm going to step back for a few moments

Restoring The Sanity Back Into Our Lives

Well, I can say I am finally there. Step Two of Nar Anon is:

Believing that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Yes I admit it. I love an addict and surrounded my entire life with the emotions associated with the addict in our life. Anger, hurt, resentments and grudge- just to name a few. Loving our addict has occupied a significant amount of time, energy and YES thought. The thoughts are based entirely on the addict I love and on fixing him.

If I could just fix him that means I can change him, right?

Soon all of this manifested into a total obsession around our
addict. This obsession hasn't allowed time for anything else. In admitting we were powerless it opened the window of time to fill that void. We are as addicted to our addict as he is to heroin. Just how in the world did things get this messed up?

That realization is that loving our addict we have accepted that we were less sane because of the insanity addiction and our own personal addict we love and all that it has created in our lives.

All of the focus has been on, What If we did this or that?  This has now become a normal routine in our lives. We didn't realize that we have focused that much time, attention and energy. Now we are drained. All that I am aware of now is the negative energy and the oppression around my life and our home.

The insanity and challenges of doing the same thing over and over again repetitively and expecting something different to change have left me with what I call, carpal tunnel of the brain. I do believe in a Higher Power but the focus on our addict caused so many questions, like Why Us? Why Are We Having To Go Through This? We were all created for a purpose what purpose is there in addiction?

After eleven years of dealing with heroin abuse and this crazy ride on the Addiction Tilt-A-Wheel ride in some amusement park, I didn't want to be at in the first place somewhere along the way I lost belief of returning any sanity to our lives.

There was no way ever that I was going to accept our son's addiction as some, Que' Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. But then I had to realize the rest of the words to that song says, The future's not ours to see.

There it was right there in front of me the whole time.

I didn't realize that in asking so many questions and being faced with all of the doubts and uncertainties of this addiction that I have lost some faith along the way. Faith that our addict can recover from this hold heroin has on his life right now.

In this release, I have had to realize that spirituality comes to us in many forms. In accepting that there is a Higher Power that can restore our sanity I have had to keep an open mind. Along with the Nar-Anon Promise, We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.

In these eleven years, I have held tightly onto anger, hurt, resentment and grudge. This was my retreat whenever I felt threatened to let go. That too is another step I will need to cross in time.

This week I've been doing Nar-Anon Challenges with our group leaders, Tina and Lisa and didn't realize that the answer was right in front of me the whole time.

I have released the powers of anger, hurt, resentment and grudge. In doing this I had to change my prayers. Instead of praying for a change to come to the addict we love, I prayed for a change in my own life.

I cannot control yesterday. It is just a memory now. I cannot control tomorrow because tomorrow isn't even promised to me. I can only control today. I will make the best of everything I do today even if it is just for right now.

And as the saying goes...

Now that I am pushed to the edge I have to trust Him. Only two things can happen now. Either He will catch me when I fall, or He will teach me how to fly!

Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity. I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought and addictive behavior from me this day.

Heal my spirit & restore in me a clear mind. I pray for an open mind so I may come to believe in a Power greater than myself. I pray for humility & the continued opportunity to increase my faith and allow me just one day at a time.

The Insanity of Loving A Heroin Addict
© 2016 Gossip Girl

Taking the Baby Steps: Admitting We Are Powerless

So we have now been to five or six NarAnon Meetings now and I think we've finally gotten to the place where we can accept that we've crossed off  Step One 


When we started going to the Nar Anon meetings we were not in denial our son had a problem with heroin and opiates. We knew what it was and we called it that. Our son is an addict and actively abusing heroin.

I wasn't at the place yet where I could admit that I couldn't stop wanting to fix him and to help him get this under control.

On Sunday the steps were read at the meeting and for some reason when I left, the first step was stuck in my head. We talked about it all the way home and then here at home while we were grabbing a sandwich and getting ready for bed. There was no denying it...

We are powerless over heroin and our son's addiction to it. Our lives have become unmanageable.

I am concentrating so much time and energy on our son's addiction that I am not accomplishing the things that I need to get done in my life and in my home.