Let's be honest for a moment. Stop what you are doing, close your eyes, and think about your addict for a moment. Maybe you just found out that someone you love is using. If so, you are at the right place to find information. At the very top of this blog you will see a tab called, Treatment/ Recovery Assistance. Click on the link to
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Showing posts with label Loving An Addict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loving An Addict. Show all posts
Friday, December 23, 2016
Sunday, December 11, 2016
(Book) Love and Addiction
In Love and Addiction, published 40 years ago and sold as a mass-market paperback on love, Stanton Peele and Archie Brodsky laid out every major issue confronting the addiction field today. This pioneering classic, which was excerpted in Cosmopolitan and spawned the codependence movement, is the first—and still the definitive—book on addictive love. But it is much more than that; it is the book that explains why addiction is not what we think it is. Love and Addiction focuses on dependent love relationships to explore what both love and addiction really are—psychologically, socially, and culturally.Addiction is an overgrown, dependent, destructive relationship. Love is the opposite, a sharing, growth-inspiring one. The authors’ analysis makes clear that an addiction is an experience that takes on meaning and power in light of a person’s needs, desires, beliefs, expectations, and fears. By showing how addiction grows out of ordinary human experience, Peele and Brodsky offer a liberating understanding of all addictions—to alcohol, drugs, tobacco, food, gambling, shopping, electronic media, sex, or love. In 1975, Love and Addiction boldly proposed ideas whose truth is only now being recognized:
- Addiction is not limited to drugs, and drugs are not necessarily addictive.
- AA’s 12 steps are not the last word in addiction treatment. On the contrary, practically oriented addiction treatments are more effective.
- The goal of addiction treatment and recovery is not abstinence to the exclusion of all else, but to build a life that rules out addiction.
- Love is the opposite of the self-protective constriction of addiction; it is the expansion of your spirit with another human being.
“Destined to become a classic!” Psychology Today proclaimed in 1975. Rereading Love and Addiction 35 years later, addiction researcher Rowdy Yates wrote that the book “still reads absolutely true as an understanding of addictive behavior.”
Reading today this clairvoyant analysis of the most challenging issues we face in the twenty-first century—the meaning of love and the cure for addiction—you will recognize both the current relevance and enduring value of Love and Addiction, now reissued as a Kindle edition with a new (2014) Authors’ Preface, the Authors’ Preface written for the 1991 paperback reissue, and a brief new introduction to each chapter. Otherwise, nothing has been changed in the original book.
Written by: Stanton Peele and available on Amazon for Kindle, Written in Hardcover and Paperback
Saturday, November 19, 2016
When Is Enough, Enough?
When exactly is enough, enough?
How many more lives will our community lose to heroin, opiates, addiction and overdose before enough is enough?
If this disease doesn't affect you today, how can you be so sure it
How many more lives will our community lose to heroin, opiates, addiction and overdose before enough is enough?
If this disease doesn't affect you today, how can you be so sure it
Friday, August 5, 2016
Update: I am Addicted To The Addict
We are twelve years into our sons heroin addiction. We've used words like addict, addiction for a very long time.
I just recently realized that I am addicted to our addict. I concentrate all my energy and focus all my attention on words like controlling the addict and fixing the addict. Seeking everyday ways to
I just recently realized that I am addicted to our addict. I concentrate all my energy and focus all my attention on words like controlling the addict and fixing the addict. Seeking everyday ways to
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Forget Making Assumptions
Just in the past twenty four hours I have learned so much. I have often forgotten to take a moment of disconnect, rethink it take a moment and breathe. This post is not about making excuses for our sons behavior and his addiction. It is however about putting the pieces of the puzzle together, to understand it better and possibly make treating his addiction a little easier to understand. You see...
Our son Kyle did really good maintaining his sobriety for several years. Because we didn't know what truly happened we started interjecting our own feelings into it and concluded that it had to be his old friends.
About three years ago he relapsed. For a year we have been racking our minds trying to figure out, what happened?
After some recent events with our son and in talking to someone close to him we have learned a few things that in doubt led to this spiraling out of control so fast-so easy.
About three years ago Kyle was working a stable job. He tells me about others on his job that were using pills around him and that he had been so strong in declining any offers. He hurt his back one day on the job. A guy on the job offered him a Perc. At first he declined it, but as the day went on his back was hurting even more and he took the pill.
He said he knew just swallowing it would not have that immediate affect he needed, so he smoked it. Kyle said there was immediate battle going on his head. He felt so guilty for doing it, but it relieved the back pain.
He said this one time use set off a trigger in his brain. He told no one- not the girlfriend- not us- no one. For approximately six months he became what is known as a functioning addict. Then came the layoff. Not enough work to go around and he and his crew were laid off. This would be the event that set in motion the decline and his sobriety spiraling out of control.
He was looking for work, but as we all know having a criminal record doesn't make it easy finding a job. With his back still hurting he found it easy to keep himself self medicated on the streets. He could find what he needed anywhere.
He started lying that he was out looking for work. He said he was embarrassed to tell his then girl friend that he couldn't find anything because of his record. He became too overwhelmed with the pressure that he needed to find a job to help with the household expenses.
He had denied to himself and those around him that he had a problem. That would mean admitting he had slipped.
When he finally admitted what he had been doing-self medicating- it was pretty much too late. He had been using heroin for many months at that time.
His then girl friend would take him to the hospital because at times the pain became so bad he went into seizures.
One look at track marks and it is like "GAME OVER" at the hospital. They did not believe he was in pain and he often was told take Tylenol and sleep it off.
He never in the past years stopped complaining about lower back and abdomen pain. Sometimes the pain was so severe he couldn't walk. Other times the pain so severe he went into seizures.
Last year when he was going to the Martinsburg Institute we know that his medical records were faxed there and was told that he had some really severe medical problems going on. One being his kidneys.
>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Our son Kyle did really good maintaining his sobriety for several years. Because we didn't know what truly happened we started interjecting our own feelings into it and concluded that it had to be his old friends.
About three years ago he relapsed. For a year we have been racking our minds trying to figure out, what happened?
After some recent events with our son and in talking to someone close to him we have learned a few things that in doubt led to this spiraling out of control so fast-so easy.
About three years ago Kyle was working a stable job. He tells me about others on his job that were using pills around him and that he had been so strong in declining any offers. He hurt his back one day on the job. A guy on the job offered him a Perc. At first he declined it, but as the day went on his back was hurting even more and he took the pill.
He said he knew just swallowing it would not have that immediate affect he needed, so he smoked it. Kyle said there was immediate battle going on his head. He felt so guilty for doing it, but it relieved the back pain.
He said this one time use set off a trigger in his brain. He told no one- not the girlfriend- not us- no one. For approximately six months he became what is known as a functioning addict. Then came the layoff. Not enough work to go around and he and his crew were laid off. This would be the event that set in motion the decline and his sobriety spiraling out of control.
He was looking for work, but as we all know having a criminal record doesn't make it easy finding a job. With his back still hurting he found it easy to keep himself self medicated on the streets. He could find what he needed anywhere.
He started lying that he was out looking for work. He said he was embarrassed to tell his then girl friend that he couldn't find anything because of his record. He became too overwhelmed with the pressure that he needed to find a job to help with the household expenses.
He had denied to himself and those around him that he had a problem. That would mean admitting he had slipped.
When he finally admitted what he had been doing-self medicating- it was pretty much too late. He had been using heroin for many months at that time.
His then girl friend would take him to the hospital because at times the pain became so bad he went into seizures.
One look at track marks and it is like "GAME OVER" at the hospital. They did not believe he was in pain and he often was told take Tylenol and sleep it off.
He never in the past years stopped complaining about lower back and abdomen pain. Sometimes the pain was so severe he couldn't walk. Other times the pain so severe he went into seizures.
Last year when he was going to the Martinsburg Institute we know that his medical records were faxed there and was told that he had some really severe medical problems going on. One being his kidneys.
>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Friday, July 22, 2016
Identifying Relapse
With our son five hours away in Huntington, WV right now I am trying to arm myself with information.
In just the first week we experienced the slippery slopes. The ups and downs after detox. This is a scary time for those of us who love an addict. I've tried identifying triggers as a way to help in positive ways.
This is the relapse process. We all know that relapse happens. While I don't understand it fully I have been assured that relapse is normal in the recovery process.
In just the first week we experienced the slippery slopes. The ups and downs after detox. This is a scary time for those of us who love an addict. I've tried identifying triggers as a way to help in positive ways.
This is the relapse process. We all know that relapse happens. While I don't understand it fully I have been assured that relapse is normal in the recovery process.
This says that relapse is preventable and that knowledge is power. If you have a loved one recovering pay attention to these signs in your loved one.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
This Is Why Criminalizing An Addict Does Not Work
We who love someone addicted to heroin have heard others say, "Just Put Them All In Jail" before. I bet you have to. Maybe you thought it was the best thing for someone abusing. Years ago when my son went to jail for the crimes he was committing in order to get heroin- the stealing- I thought jail was the place he needed to be. YES- For those crimes he committed.
Sure if you commit a crime, there should be a punishment. BUT having the disease of addiction to heroin is not a crime. It is a disease. If someone you love had a disease and all you ever heard was, they should go to jail, how would you feel?
Jail is not a detox center. They don't care in jail about those using and abusing heroin. They don't care about the medical part of it. They are not a medical facility. They are a jail.
I saw this the other day. I saved it and I just cannot stop thinking about it because of comments people make about our son. YES, he has committed crimes for his addiction. YES, he should go to jail, but not to DETOX there.
After watching this video, my heart goes out to this family. I am terrified for our son. He will sooner or later be picked up for his crimes and he will without a doubt detox at the Eastern Regional Jail. This terrifies me.
Our son needs to be medically supervised. He has tried to detox on his own and goes into seizures. Our son has had hundreds possibly thousands of seizures from using, abusing and trying to quit and detox. We don't know how many he has had.
They need to rethink how those using and abusing are treated. They aren't animals. They are human lives. Many are crying out and begging for help. There is nowhere to send them. The longer they are in their addiction without help, the easier it is for them to slip up and commit a crime and end up in jail.
As mentioned I have thought about it since this video was in my Facebook Newsfeed and I have to share this... My heart goes out to the family of Tyler Tabor. A Life Lost...
Not one person should lose their life like this... ever! They need to rethink the way that those addicted are treated, not for their crimes, but for their addiction to this powerful drug.
Video From youtube
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Sure if you commit a crime, there should be a punishment. BUT having the disease of addiction to heroin is not a crime. It is a disease. If someone you love had a disease and all you ever heard was, they should go to jail, how would you feel?
Jail is not a detox center. They don't care in jail about those using and abusing heroin. They don't care about the medical part of it. They are not a medical facility. They are a jail.
I saw this the other day. I saved it and I just cannot stop thinking about it because of comments people make about our son. YES, he has committed crimes for his addiction. YES, he should go to jail, but not to DETOX there.
After watching this video, my heart goes out to this family. I am terrified for our son. He will sooner or later be picked up for his crimes and he will without a doubt detox at the Eastern Regional Jail. This terrifies me.
Our son needs to be medically supervised. He has tried to detox on his own and goes into seizures. Our son has had hundreds possibly thousands of seizures from using, abusing and trying to quit and detox. We don't know how many he has had.
They need to rethink how those using and abusing are treated. They aren't animals. They are human lives. Many are crying out and begging for help. There is nowhere to send them. The longer they are in their addiction without help, the easier it is for them to slip up and commit a crime and end up in jail.
As mentioned I have thought about it since this video was in my Facebook Newsfeed and I have to share this... My heart goes out to the family of Tyler Tabor. A Life Lost...
Not one person should lose their life like this... ever! They need to rethink the way that those addicted are treated, not for their crimes, but for their addiction to this powerful drug.
Video From youtube
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Monday, June 27, 2016
Is It Any Wonder There Are Stigmas?
Is it any wonder that a stigma exists between society and those who are caught up in the addiction as well as those people who love someone using and abusing heroin when entities within the Federal Government cannot even stand on the same side?
As a blogger, I type many keywords into search engines seeking information and resources on heroin. We have a son who uses and abuses not only heroin but others as well.
I cannot remember now exactly what words I used to type into the BING search engine to come up with an interesting FACT CHECK on the heroin epidemic written by the website, Fusion.
By interesting I mean this,
The word fentanyl has now become a household word and the nightmare of every parent or person who loves someone addicted to heroin as well as among the groups who advocate. We used to only hear that word as it was associated with many stars in Hollywood who died from a heroin overdose now it is among us on our streets and it is killing people right here in Martinsburg, West Virginia.
The DEA calls it a heroin epidemic however in 2014 the CDC disagreed and said "NO" The CDC does not consider this an epidemic.
Now we who love someone addicted know that once our loved one is addicted it is often not just heroin. Our son was addicted to heroin first. Now it's a combo of heroin/opiates. Sometimes just opiates.
Other opioids and benzos come into action. Those addicted will combine other drugs with heroin just searching for the next bigger high. Heck, I just learned that our son is combining heroin, opioids and smoking them with Spice.
Is there any wonder that there is such as stigma around addiction and whether or not it is a disease? As well as the stigma society places on families and friends of those who use and abuse. We who love them come to that place when we have to call it was it is, a heroin addiction.
Why wouldn't these government entities call it for what it is?
Personally, I feel this way, If they were to all come to together and agree, it would show a great failure on their part because from the late 1990's and through the 2000's heroin use has gradually risen year after year. We have the numbers of the overdoses and the deaths to prove it so how can they say there has been no increase? No epidemic?
Of course, this is just my opinion.
To read the rest of this interesting article...
© 2016 Gossip Girl
As a blogger, I type many keywords into search engines seeking information and resources on heroin. We have a son who uses and abuses not only heroin but others as well.
I cannot remember now exactly what words I used to type into the BING search engine to come up with an interesting FACT CHECK on the heroin epidemic written by the website, Fusion.
By interesting I mean this,
The word fentanyl has now become a household word and the nightmare of every parent or person who loves someone addicted to heroin as well as among the groups who advocate. We used to only hear that word as it was associated with many stars in Hollywood who died from a heroin overdose now it is among us on our streets and it is killing people right here in Martinsburg, West Virginia.
The DEA calls it a heroin epidemic however in 2014 the CDC disagreed and said "NO" The CDC does not consider this an epidemic.
“We do not consider heroin usage as an epidemic,” said spokesperson Courtney Lenard. “Deaths rates from heroin overdose in the US were relatively stable from 1999 through 2010. We did not see the sharp increase that we would characterize as an epidemic.”Now, all the other entities (the CDC and SAMSHA) all agree there is an opioid epidemic in this country but it's not heroin.
Now we who love someone addicted know that once our loved one is addicted it is often not just heroin. Our son was addicted to heroin first. Now it's a combo of heroin/opiates. Sometimes just opiates.
Other opioids and benzos come into action. Those addicted will combine other drugs with heroin just searching for the next bigger high. Heck, I just learned that our son is combining heroin, opioids and smoking them with Spice.
Is there any wonder that there is such as stigma around addiction and whether or not it is a disease? As well as the stigma society places on families and friends of those who use and abuse. We who love them come to that place when we have to call it was it is, a heroin addiction.
Why wouldn't these government entities call it for what it is?
Personally, I feel this way, If they were to all come to together and agree, it would show a great failure on their part because from the late 1990's and through the 2000's heroin use has gradually risen year after year. We have the numbers of the overdoses and the deaths to prove it so how can they say there has been no increase? No epidemic?
Of course, this is just my opinion.
To read the rest of this interesting article...
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Friday, June 24, 2016
It's Okay: Letting Go of Some Anger
Let me tell you dealing with someone you love and care for who uses and abuses heroin and other drugs are not the easiest place to be.I have a lot of anger- towards my son, the War on Drugs, Big Pharma groups, Doctors, our sons user friends who can't seem to let him alone, The Dealers and those trafficking that poison here, society and the cruelty they dish out, politicians, the local politicians, local law enforcement because they never really chased down the source of this poison coming into our community, they only criminalized the addicted and those using and abusing. So you see, you name it- I am angry with it. In letting go of some of that steam I vent a lot.
Those close to me I know get tired of hearing about it so I've started writing it all down just to get it out and let it release instead of holding it all in and then at an inappropriate time it releases on others. It's okay to be angry once in a while especially with dealing with someone using and abusing.
pic from Tiny Buddha
© 2016 Gossip Girl
I Don't Know How To Do This Anymore
In mid-April, we found our way to our local chapter of Nar-Anon. We've been attending ever since. I can honestly tell you that it has helped just surrounding ourselves even for just an hour with people who know exactly what we are going through and who understand our feelings ranging from pain to anger.
I made a commitment to myself that in order to cross the second gap I needed to let go- of a lot of things- including anger and holding grudges. I had to do this in order to let go of the insanity of loving someone using and abusing heroin, opiates and other drugs.
Honestly, I don't know if I can do this anymore. After a lot of soul searching I have come to a realization.
We are parents first in our child's lives. Parenting is guiding them through the early years, teaching them, providing the basic needs and necessities. We did all of that and more. We didn't have a lot of money so the hubby and I often went without just so we could provide for the kid's everything they needed.
Once our kids come of age we continue through life just being mom and dad.
I have come to the place in admitting a big mistake that I made. Probably the biggest no-no in the parenting book. I was the chief problem solver in the home. As the kids were growing up whenever they had a problem I always told them no problem was ever that big. Which they aren't except that I always did the problem solving for them. I never guided them through the problem in order for them to work it out themselves. I did it for them.
Now what I am left with is four adult kids who cannot work out and solve their own problems because I always did it for them. They have come to me for advice many times as adults. No problem right? Wrong.
They have twisted the advice and honestly they've never stepped up to the plate. I could give many examples which I won't. I won't be here all of their lives. They have to learn to do this on their own. Either sink or swim. If they have to live this life by themselves, they will sink. They already are sinking.
So here I am at a place in life where I have to admit it. Honestly I do not know how to be the mother of an addicted child. This chapter of life was not in any of the parenting books I ever read. There is no scripts to read. I don't know how to do this anymore. The mothering part in me wants me to fix it and make it all better again. I can't fix this.
After eleven years of going through this I feel like I just want to yell "UNCLE" and be done. I'm KO'd in this round. Game Over!
We used to eat healthier, now I've noticed that our diet has gone to hell. We used to go to the gym three days a week. We haven't been there in a year and still continue to pay the dues each month. We are forgetting how to live our lives.
We've been working through the steps of Nar Anon. You know, admitting we are powerless over addiction? Admitting the Insanity of addiction?
Through all of this, we have forgotten to live our lives. I have given this 100% of my time and my energy and I do not know how to do this anymore.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
I made a commitment to myself that in order to cross the second gap I needed to let go- of a lot of things- including anger and holding grudges. I had to do this in order to let go of the insanity of loving someone using and abusing heroin, opiates and other drugs.
Honestly, I don't know if I can do this anymore. After a lot of soul searching I have come to a realization.
We are parents first in our child's lives. Parenting is guiding them through the early years, teaching them, providing the basic needs and necessities. We did all of that and more. We didn't have a lot of money so the hubby and I often went without just so we could provide for the kid's everything they needed.
Once our kids come of age we continue through life just being mom and dad.
I have come to the place in admitting a big mistake that I made. Probably the biggest no-no in the parenting book. I was the chief problem solver in the home. As the kids were growing up whenever they had a problem I always told them no problem was ever that big. Which they aren't except that I always did the problem solving for them. I never guided them through the problem in order for them to work it out themselves. I did it for them.
Now what I am left with is four adult kids who cannot work out and solve their own problems because I always did it for them. They have come to me for advice many times as adults. No problem right? Wrong.
They have twisted the advice and honestly they've never stepped up to the plate. I could give many examples which I won't. I won't be here all of their lives. They have to learn to do this on their own. Either sink or swim. If they have to live this life by themselves, they will sink. They already are sinking.
So here I am at a place in life where I have to admit it. Honestly I do not know how to be the mother of an addicted child. This chapter of life was not in any of the parenting books I ever read. There is no scripts to read. I don't know how to do this anymore. The mothering part in me wants me to fix it and make it all better again. I can't fix this.
After eleven years of going through this I feel like I just want to yell "UNCLE" and be done. I'm KO'd in this round. Game Over!
We used to eat healthier, now I've noticed that our diet has gone to hell. We used to go to the gym three days a week. We haven't been there in a year and still continue to pay the dues each month. We are forgetting how to live our lives.
We've been working through the steps of Nar Anon. You know, admitting we are powerless over addiction? Admitting the Insanity of addiction?
Through all of this, we have forgotten to live our lives. I have given this 100% of my time and my energy and I do not know how to do this anymore.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Update On Our Son
If you've been reading here or you know us personally then you know that our son has had a problem with addiction to heroin, opiates and other drugs for the past eleven years.
The last I wrote about him we did not know where he was in this county. We still don't know where he is but he has been reaching out to his brother at least once a week and staying in contact with his brother. I have comfort in knowing at least he is reaching out to someone.
This week I will once again try to reach out to him myself but for months he has me blocked from his phone. I get a little-recorded message on the first ring that he isn't taking calls at this time. I'm not dumb. I know he has blocked me.
I've sent him texts with information on where and to whom he can reach out to today, but we know this has to be something that he wants for himself. I've had well-meaning people tell me, "just drag his ass there." They don't understand this addiction. If that was the solution we would have already done that.
Although dealing with this first hand with our son, I often reach out to others who are suffering from loving someone addicted to this powerful drug.
We still don't know where our son is at or who he is hanging around with. I just pray each day that he is one day closer to wanting to be free of his addiction and to heal.
The last I wrote about him we did not know where he was in this county. We still don't know where he is but he has been reaching out to his brother at least once a week and staying in contact with his brother. I have comfort in knowing at least he is reaching out to someone.
This week I will once again try to reach out to him myself but for months he has me blocked from his phone. I get a little-recorded message on the first ring that he isn't taking calls at this time. I'm not dumb. I know he has blocked me.
I've sent him texts with information on where and to whom he can reach out to today, but we know this has to be something that he wants for himself. I've had well-meaning people tell me, "just drag his ass there." They don't understand this addiction. If that was the solution we would have already done that.
Although dealing with this first hand with our son, I often reach out to others who are suffering from loving someone addicted to this powerful drug.
We still don't know where our son is at or who he is hanging around with. I just pray each day that he is one day closer to wanting to be free of his addiction and to heal.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Restoring The Sanity Back Into Our Lives
Well, I can say I am finally there. Step Two of Nar Anon is:
Yes I admit it. I love an addict and surrounded my entire life with the emotions associated with the addict in our life. Anger, hurt, resentments and grudge- just to name a few. Loving our addict has occupied a significant amount of time, energy and YES thought. The thoughts are based entirely on the addict I love and on fixing him.
If I could just fix him that means I can change him, right?
Soon all of this manifested into a total obsession around our
addict. This obsession hasn't allowed time for anything else. In admitting we were powerless it opened the window of time to fill that void. We are as addicted to our addict as he is to heroin. Just how in the world did things get this messed up?
That realization is that loving our addict we have accepted that we were less sane because of the insanity addiction and our own personal addict we love and all that it has created in our lives.
All of the focus has been on, What If we did this or that? This has now become a normal routine in our lives. We didn't realize that we have focused that much time, attention and energy. Now we are drained. All that I am aware of now is the negative energy and the oppression around my life and our home.
The insanity and challenges of doing the same thing over and over again repetitively and expecting something different to change have left me with what I call, carpal tunnel of the brain. I do believe in a Higher Power but the focus on our addict caused so many questions, like Why Us? Why Are We Having To Go Through This? We were all created for a purpose what purpose is there in addiction?
After eleven years of dealing with heroin abuse and this crazy ride on the Addiction Tilt-A-Wheel ride in some amusement park, I didn't want to be at in the first place somewhere along the way I lost belief of returning any sanity to our lives.
There was no way ever that I was going to accept our son's addiction as some, Que' Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. But then I had to realize the rest of the words to that song says, The future's not ours to see.
There it was right there in front of me the whole time.
I didn't realize that in asking so many questions and being faced with all of the doubts and uncertainties of this addiction that I have lost some faith along the way. Faith that our addict can recover from this hold heroin has on his life right now.
In this release, I have had to realize that spirituality comes to us in many forms. In accepting that there is a Higher Power that can restore our sanity I have had to keep an open mind. Along with the Nar-Anon Promise, We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.
In these eleven years, I have held tightly onto anger, hurt, resentment and grudge. This was my retreat whenever I felt threatened to let go. That too is another step I will need to cross in time.
This week I've been doing Nar-Anon Challenges with our group leaders, Tina and Lisa and didn't realize that the answer was right in front of me the whole time.
I have released the powers of anger, hurt, resentment and grudge. In doing this I had to change my prayers. Instead of praying for a change to come to the addict we love, I prayed for a change in my own life.
I cannot control yesterday. It is just a memory now. I cannot control tomorrow because tomorrow isn't even promised to me. I can only control today. I will make the best of everything I do today even if it is just for right now.
And as the saying goes...
Now that I am pushed to the edge I have to trust Him. Only two things can happen now. Either He will catch me when I fall, or He will teach me how to fly!
Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity. I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought and addictive behavior from me this day.
Heal my spirit & restore in me a clear mind. I pray for an open mind so I may come to believe in a Power greater than myself. I pray for humility & the continued opportunity to increase my faith and allow me just one day at a time.
The Insanity of Loving A Heroin Addict
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Believing that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Yes I admit it. I love an addict and surrounded my entire life with the emotions associated with the addict in our life. Anger, hurt, resentments and grudge- just to name a few. Loving our addict has occupied a significant amount of time, energy and YES thought. The thoughts are based entirely on the addict I love and on fixing him. If I could just fix him that means I can change him, right?
Soon all of this manifested into a total obsession around our
addict. This obsession hasn't allowed time for anything else. In admitting we were powerless it opened the window of time to fill that void. We are as addicted to our addict as he is to heroin. Just how in the world did things get this messed up?
That realization is that loving our addict we have accepted that we were less sane because of the insanity addiction and our own personal addict we love and all that it has created in our lives.
All of the focus has been on, What If we did this or that? This has now become a normal routine in our lives. We didn't realize that we have focused that much time, attention and energy. Now we are drained. All that I am aware of now is the negative energy and the oppression around my life and our home.
The insanity and challenges of doing the same thing over and over again repetitively and expecting something different to change have left me with what I call, carpal tunnel of the brain. I do believe in a Higher Power but the focus on our addict caused so many questions, like Why Us? Why Are We Having To Go Through This? We were all created for a purpose what purpose is there in addiction?
After eleven years of dealing with heroin abuse and this crazy ride on the Addiction Tilt-A-Wheel ride in some amusement park, I didn't want to be at in the first place somewhere along the way I lost belief of returning any sanity to our lives.
There was no way ever that I was going to accept our son's addiction as some, Que' Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. But then I had to realize the rest of the words to that song says, The future's not ours to see.
There it was right there in front of me the whole time.
I didn't realize that in asking so many questions and being faced with all of the doubts and uncertainties of this addiction that I have lost some faith along the way. Faith that our addict can recover from this hold heroin has on his life right now.
In this release, I have had to realize that spirituality comes to us in many forms. In accepting that there is a Higher Power that can restore our sanity I have had to keep an open mind. Along with the Nar-Anon Promise, We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.
In these eleven years, I have held tightly onto anger, hurt, resentment and grudge. This was my retreat whenever I felt threatened to let go. That too is another step I will need to cross in time.
This week I've been doing Nar-Anon Challenges with our group leaders, Tina and Lisa and didn't realize that the answer was right in front of me the whole time.
I have released the powers of anger, hurt, resentment and grudge. In doing this I had to change my prayers. Instead of praying for a change to come to the addict we love, I prayed for a change in my own life.
I cannot control yesterday. It is just a memory now. I cannot control tomorrow because tomorrow isn't even promised to me. I can only control today. I will make the best of everything I do today even if it is just for right now.
And as the saying goes...
Now that I am pushed to the edge I have to trust Him. Only two things can happen now. Either He will catch me when I fall, or He will teach me how to fly!
Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity. I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought and addictive behavior from me this day.
Heal my spirit & restore in me a clear mind. I pray for an open mind so I may come to believe in a Power greater than myself. I pray for humility & the continued opportunity to increase my faith and allow me just one day at a time.
The Insanity of Loving A Heroin Addict
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Things I've Learned From Loving An Addict: The Insanity Of Loving An Addict
It's been said that Insanity is...
Doing the same thing over and over repetitively expecting a different result each time.
This is the insanity of loving an addict... The easiest way to describe all the feelings on the insanity of loving an addict is that it feels like you visited an amusement park you didn't want to go to in the first place and I'm on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs and cannot and do not know how to get off of.
We spend so much time denying a loved one has a problem with addiction and drugs. We deny the problem because deep down we are afraid of what we'll find out. Often deep down we know, our heart is telling us. We deny, cover up the problem and spend so much effort into trying to fix it.
Even when we know what it is and can call it what it is- a heroin addiction it is easy to still be in denial. Even when we deny we still accept their explanations.
We lie and cover up for our loved one and their problem with addiction. We are afraid others will find out. What will others think? This is because likely due to the embarrassment that any addiction to drugs places on you and your family.
And well...
Who really wants others thinking bad things about our loved ones addicted to drugs? We want others to love them too for the person that is inside the addiction. Often when others discover they don't understand the mind of an addict and so they tell you things that can often send you into a whirlwind as well.
How hard do you think it is to admit that you are powerless over your loved ones addiction? Especially when you spend so much time concentrating on fixing something you had no control over in the first place.
We spend so much time trying to change them and fix them that it turns into an obsession.
How hard do you think it is to convince yourself that you had nothing to do with this? When all the times you confronted your loved one about their drug problem they blame you for it. So here you go in a mind spin thinking back to times that they were babies wondering if you really did do something in the way you raised them.
We love the addict and want to do everything in our power to help our addicted loved one- but we also don't trust them.
Although we find it hard to believe them and yet we still fall for their manipulation. We often will enable them to death or at least until we have no more money yourself.
We have enough qualifications to be a detective but we don't have a certificate.
We spend so many sleepless nights awake, fearful for our loved one.
We can go from praying for our loved one to get help and in the next prayer be praying for God to just take our loved one home so they don't have to suffer with this anymore.
We spend so much of our time and your energy concentrating on our loved one who is addicted to drugs. We try so hard to control it by fixing it when we are powerless to cure it.
We are so guilt ridden thinking this is something that we did this or we caused this that we concentrate so much on this it can often leave you feeling depressed.
The emotions alone make us hurt in places we don't realize we even had muscles there.
How hard do you think it is to accept that you cannot cure your loved ones addiction to heroin when all we want is for them to get better?
This is the insanity of loving an addict and then the day comes that I have to realize and admit that I am powerless over the power of heroin and addiction and the grip that it has on someone I love so much.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Doing the same thing over and over repetitively expecting a different result each time.
This is the insanity of loving an addict... The easiest way to describe all the feelings on the insanity of loving an addict is that it feels like you visited an amusement park you didn't want to go to in the first place and I'm on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs and cannot and do not know how to get off of.
We spend so much time denying a loved one has a problem with addiction and drugs. We deny the problem because deep down we are afraid of what we'll find out. Often deep down we know, our heart is telling us. We deny, cover up the problem and spend so much effort into trying to fix it.
Even when we know what it is and can call it what it is- a heroin addiction it is easy to still be in denial. Even when we deny we still accept their explanations.
We lie and cover up for our loved one and their problem with addiction. We are afraid others will find out. What will others think? This is because likely due to the embarrassment that any addiction to drugs places on you and your family.
And well...
Who really wants others thinking bad things about our loved ones addicted to drugs? We want others to love them too for the person that is inside the addiction. Often when others discover they don't understand the mind of an addict and so they tell you things that can often send you into a whirlwind as well.
How hard do you think it is to admit that you are powerless over your loved ones addiction? Especially when you spend so much time concentrating on fixing something you had no control over in the first place.
We spend so much time trying to change them and fix them that it turns into an obsession.
How hard do you think it is to convince yourself that you had nothing to do with this? When all the times you confronted your loved one about their drug problem they blame you for it. So here you go in a mind spin thinking back to times that they were babies wondering if you really did do something in the way you raised them.
We love the addict and want to do everything in our power to help our addicted loved one- but we also don't trust them.
Although we find it hard to believe them and yet we still fall for their manipulation. We often will enable them to death or at least until we have no more money yourself.
We have enough qualifications to be a detective but we don't have a certificate.
We spend so many sleepless nights awake, fearful for our loved one.
We can go from praying for our loved one to get help and in the next prayer be praying for God to just take our loved one home so they don't have to suffer with this anymore.
We spend so much of our time and your energy concentrating on our loved one who is addicted to drugs. We try so hard to control it by fixing it when we are powerless to cure it.
We are so guilt ridden thinking this is something that we did this or we caused this that we concentrate so much on this it can often leave you feeling depressed.
The emotions alone make us hurt in places we don't realize we even had muscles there.
How hard do you think it is to accept that you cannot cure your loved ones addiction to heroin when all we want is for them to get better?
This is the insanity of loving an addict and then the day comes that I have to realize and admit that I am powerless over the power of heroin and addiction and the grip that it has on someone I love so much.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Things I Learned From An Addict: Confronting The Demon of Addiction
Today's post is about confronting your loved ones with your feelings about their addiction. Trust me when they aren't ready to admit they even have a problem these times are very confrontational aren't they?
Now I am assuming by this point you are not in denial anymore that your loved one has a problem with drugs. Heroin and opiate abuse shuts off the part of the brain that deals with sympathy and empathy. No one ever told me that
Whenever we confronted our adult son with words like, "we're afraid you are going to die" It pretty much played out like several scenes from the movie, The Exorcist and he felt pushed him into a corner.
Every time we had a confrontation with our son I wanted to say blessings in every room of the house, smudge and burn sage afterward. This is also a time when they will start blaming you, their childhood and their upbringing for their drug problem.
Confronting Them About The Problem:
Now I am assuming by this point you are not in denial anymore that your loved one has a problem with drugs. Heroin and opiate abuse shuts off the part of the brain that deals with sympathy and empathy. No one ever told me that
Whenever we confronted our adult son with words like, "we're afraid you are going to die" It pretty much played out like several scenes from the movie, The Exorcist and he felt pushed him into a corner.
Every time we had a confrontation with our son I wanted to say blessings in every room of the house, smudge and burn sage afterward. This is also a time when they will start blaming you, their childhood and their upbringing for their drug problem.
Confronting Them About The Problem:
Monday, May 16, 2016
Taking the Baby Steps: Admitting We Are Powerless
So we have now been to five or six NarAnon Meetings now and I think we've finally gotten to the place where we can accept that we've crossed off Step One
When we started going to the Nar Anon meetings we were not in denial our son had a problem with heroin and opiates. We knew what it was and we called it that. Our son is an addict and actively abusing heroin.
I wasn't at the place yet where I could admit that I couldn't stop wanting to fix him and to help him get this under control.
On Sunday the steps were read at the meeting and for some reason when I left, the first step was stuck in my head. We talked about it all the way home and then here at home while we were grabbing a sandwich and getting ready for bed. There was no denying it...
We are powerless over heroin and our son's addiction to it. Our lives have become unmanageable.
I am concentrating so much time and energy on our son's addiction that I am not accomplishing the things that I need to get done in my life and in my home.
When we started going to the Nar Anon meetings we were not in denial our son had a problem with heroin and opiates. We knew what it was and we called it that. Our son is an addict and actively abusing heroin.
I wasn't at the place yet where I could admit that I couldn't stop wanting to fix him and to help him get this under control.
On Sunday the steps were read at the meeting and for some reason when I left, the first step was stuck in my head. We talked about it all the way home and then here at home while we were grabbing a sandwich and getting ready for bed. There was no denying it...
We are powerless over heroin and our son's addiction to it. Our lives have become unmanageable.
I am concentrating so much time and energy on our son's addiction that I am not accomplishing the things that I need to get done in my life and in my home.
Things I Learned From An Addict: Masters at Lying and Manipulating
The last post I spoke about enabling. This post sort of goes along with that one and a little more.
Today is about lying and manipulating and well using, lying and manipulating combined turned our son into a monster when he became an extortionist. He knew exactly what buttons to push with
Today is about lying and manipulating and well using, lying and manipulating combined turned our son into a monster when he became an extortionist. He knew exactly what buttons to push with
Things I Learned From An Addict: Who or What Did I Raise Anyway?
Yep, you will soon be wondering that!!! This is another part in the series of posts Things I Learned From an Addict. Today's post is about addiction and what happens when the enabling stops.
I know many are going through this today. It's a conflicting place to be, isn't it? I mean you love the person with the disease of addiction and hate the disease of addiction and what it has turned the person you love into.
In his addiction, I do not recognize him. I remember him as a child with so many dreams and aspirations and I wonder, how did things go so wrong in his life?
I know many are going through this today. It's a conflicting place to be, isn't it? I mean you love the person with the disease of addiction and hate the disease of addiction and what it has turned the person you love into.
In his addiction, I do not recognize him. I remember him as a child with so many dreams and aspirations and I wonder, how did things go so wrong in his life?
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Things I Learned From An Addict: The Tangled Web of the Enabler
Today's post is about getting caught up and entangled in that black web as the enabler. Long before the signs of any drug abuse are out you are already there. You just don't realize it yet. Even before you know you're there, you're trapped, your entangled.
That too isn't your fault. If you had known your child was using drugs would you have given money towards the abuse for your loved one to buy drugs?
Yes, you do- Sometimes. Even if after you know your child is using how hard is it for you to stop this destructive behavior? It is very hard to stop it after that. It's like a train running full speed towards a derailment.
I know as I type this that you are probably already there and don't really know how to get out of it. Neither did I.
Today's word for the day is
The Enabler:
That is me! Hello I AM I WAS the Enabler
I lived there for several years and I fell for it yet again.
You know just the word alone- ENABLER sounds so criminal, so suspect doesn't it?
Maybe that is because there was one time that I threatened to call the cops on my son because of something he stole from us and he told me,
"Go ahead call the cops because you're in as much trouble as I am."
Hmmm, how do you figure that?
"Well, who gave me the money to go buy it. You're my co-dependent and when I tell them you'll be arrested too. You are just as guilty because you have been funding me. Wait until I call the cops. Mommy, I thought you were smart. You are just so stupid."
Now all that seems pretty funny huh? It isn't when you're on my side of the table as the enabler. I believed it. I remembered what my mother told me about when you're helping someone break the law- you're just as guilty.
Now to be here in the shoes of not only the enabler, but he was now actually extorting money from me with this shit- because he convinced me that I would be arrested that is a horrible place to be. Trust me!!! And the worst is that I believed it.
If my husband has told you he is angry as he has in some settings. This is why he is. It is embarrassing so he may not give the full details about it but this is why. When I told the hubby the full details of the extortion he went through the roof- not literally.
We'll talk more about the Master Liar, Manipulator and Extortionist later on, but today is about enabling. Whatever you do don't fall for it!! But I know you are probably already there. If you are, get out of it now and you can!!!
If you don't know whether or not you are enabling -if you are giving them money for any reason- you are enabling especially if you know what that money is being used for.
If you are believing their lies I need $20 for gas.
I want to go look for a job
I have a job interview and need money to get to it.
I need some cigarettes
The baby needs diapers
If this is constant and daily and they are asking for $20, $40 or $60 then you've no doubt fallen into the pit of the enabler.
Before I realized that he was using heroin I was trapped. I think it was that I was first in denial. But was I really? What could I deny that I didn't know? I know it all sounds confusing. If you're on the side of loving an addict, it will make perfect sense. Their addiction alone is enough to drive you totally insane trying to figure everything out.
We who love them don't think the worst of those we love by thinking, I wonder if they are on drugs? Nope, our minds didn't even go there. What parent automatically assumes the worse? I know I didn't. Now a relapse. Trust me honey- you're there!!!
It was when the brick shit house crumbled that I had no other choices but to get out!
All of our savings= Wiped Out
A CD at the bank of a rolled over 401K from a previous job= Wiped Out
Then I was laid off from work= No extra money
By then I had no choice- either we could live about as destitute as our child- the heroin abuser
OR
We Just Had To Say No... and mean it. And I did...
You are going to have to do this at some time so today should be the day. Someone once asked me, What would you do if you gave him money to go buy and that was the last time? What if he died from shooting up? What then? Knowing you gave him the money to shoot up that one last time?
The word No takes on new meaning now!!!
No more could I deny that he didn't have a problem. It was out there in flashing lights!
Just saying No sometimes isn't enough for some. You continue giving when there is nothing left to give. I know one lady who has been going without her meds because of going through this with her grandchild.
You Have To Say NO And No Means No
As the lady above living without her meds, I just told her family member this may fall under elder abuse because the lady is elderly.
My son is very lucky that I did not press charges of extortion on him. I should have when I learned differently.
He took me for a boat ride without the paddles and I fell for it. In the end, I called the police to turn myself in and they said that I had fallen into a dark pit of enabling my son's drug habits. That was not a crime.
I have to be careful with my child the user. My parents are up in their years and I have to make sure that he isn't dragging them into the pits because they live on a fixed income.
When he broke into their house- I was angry at him- so angry I wanted to beat his ass like he was ten years old- of course, the police tell me this would fall under domestic violence. I would never allow any of my kids to have that kind of power over me. I have to stay civil right now and at least for my son's two children. They are very scared right now that their dad is doing the bad things that will get him into trouble. I'm stuck there- caring for someone I love addicted to heroin and opiates, someone who is sick in the head from addiction at the moment- and yet on the side of also wanting to protect my grandchildren who do not deserve any of this. It's so conflicting sometimes.
Part III: Dealing With the Master Liar, Manipulator and Extortionist.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
That too isn't your fault. If you had known your child was using drugs would you have given money towards the abuse for your loved one to buy drugs?
Yes, you do- Sometimes. Even if after you know your child is using how hard is it for you to stop this destructive behavior? It is very hard to stop it after that. It's like a train running full speed towards a derailment.
I know as I type this that you are probably already there and don't really know how to get out of it. Neither did I.
Today's word for the day is
The Enabler:
That is me! Hello I AM I WAS the Enabler
I lived there for several years and I fell for it yet again.
You know just the word alone- ENABLER sounds so criminal, so suspect doesn't it?
Maybe that is because there was one time that I threatened to call the cops on my son because of something he stole from us and he told me,
"Go ahead call the cops because you're in as much trouble as I am."
Hmmm, how do you figure that?
"Well, who gave me the money to go buy it. You're my co-dependent and when I tell them you'll be arrested too. You are just as guilty because you have been funding me. Wait until I call the cops. Mommy, I thought you were smart. You are just so stupid."
Now all that seems pretty funny huh? It isn't when you're on my side of the table as the enabler. I believed it. I remembered what my mother told me about when you're helping someone break the law- you're just as guilty.
Now to be here in the shoes of not only the enabler, but he was now actually extorting money from me with this shit- because he convinced me that I would be arrested that is a horrible place to be. Trust me!!! And the worst is that I believed it.
If my husband has told you he is angry as he has in some settings. This is why he is. It is embarrassing so he may not give the full details about it but this is why. When I told the hubby the full details of the extortion he went through the roof- not literally.
We'll talk more about the Master Liar, Manipulator and Extortionist later on, but today is about enabling. Whatever you do don't fall for it!! But I know you are probably already there. If you are, get out of it now and you can!!!
If you don't know whether or not you are enabling -if you are giving them money for any reason- you are enabling especially if you know what that money is being used for.
If you are believing their lies I need $20 for gas.
I want to go look for a job
I have a job interview and need money to get to it.
I need some cigarettes
The baby needs diapers
If this is constant and daily and they are asking for $20, $40 or $60 then you've no doubt fallen into the pit of the enabler.
Before I realized that he was using heroin I was trapped. I think it was that I was first in denial. But was I really? What could I deny that I didn't know? I know it all sounds confusing. If you're on the side of loving an addict, it will make perfect sense. Their addiction alone is enough to drive you totally insane trying to figure everything out.
We who love them don't think the worst of those we love by thinking, I wonder if they are on drugs? Nope, our minds didn't even go there. What parent automatically assumes the worse? I know I didn't. Now a relapse. Trust me honey- you're there!!!
It was when the brick shit house crumbled that I had no other choices but to get out!
All of our savings= Wiped Out
A CD at the bank of a rolled over 401K from a previous job= Wiped Out
Then I was laid off from work= No extra money
By then I had no choice- either we could live about as destitute as our child- the heroin abuser
OR
We Just Had To Say No... and mean it. And I did...
You are going to have to do this at some time so today should be the day. Someone once asked me, What would you do if you gave him money to go buy and that was the last time? What if he died from shooting up? What then? Knowing you gave him the money to shoot up that one last time?
The word No takes on new meaning now!!!
No more could I deny that he didn't have a problem. It was out there in flashing lights!
Just saying No sometimes isn't enough for some. You continue giving when there is nothing left to give. I know one lady who has been going without her meds because of going through this with her grandchild.
You Have To Say NO And No Means No
As the lady above living without her meds, I just told her family member this may fall under elder abuse because the lady is elderly.
My son is very lucky that I did not press charges of extortion on him. I should have when I learned differently.
He took me for a boat ride without the paddles and I fell for it. In the end, I called the police to turn myself in and they said that I had fallen into a dark pit of enabling my son's drug habits. That was not a crime.
I have to be careful with my child the user. My parents are up in their years and I have to make sure that he isn't dragging them into the pits because they live on a fixed income.
When he broke into their house- I was angry at him- so angry I wanted to beat his ass like he was ten years old- of course, the police tell me this would fall under domestic violence. I would never allow any of my kids to have that kind of power over me. I have to stay civil right now and at least for my son's two children. They are very scared right now that their dad is doing the bad things that will get him into trouble. I'm stuck there- caring for someone I love addicted to heroin and opiates, someone who is sick in the head from addiction at the moment- and yet on the side of also wanting to protect my grandchildren who do not deserve any of this. It's so conflicting sometimes.
Part III: Dealing With the Master Liar, Manipulator and Extortionist.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Friday, May 13, 2016
Things I've Learned From An Addict: The Signs
Now, whether or not an addict is living in your home I think you can relate to some of this...
Our son has not lived with us for many years however here is some of the things I can tell you about dealing with an addict. We found it really doesn't matter if they live with you or not.
I have divided this into five or six posts because there are a lot of things I learned. Let's start with the signs.
The Earliest Signs Do Get Missed:
Trust me here. What we know now and what we didn't even know about heroin and opiates unless they have a sign flashing or they come right out and tell you. No, you will miss it whether they live in your home or not. Even if you see them a lot, you'll miss it. Why? Because I really don't think as parents we are looking for the signs in the first place. We can see a lot of odd behavior and in our minds, we somehow sweep it away to mean something else.
Our son didn't live with us and one day I happened to notice that I had three spoons left from my dollar store bought set. It's only me, the hubby and the dog here. I accused the hubby of throwing out the spoons to the trash. Why would you throw away our good set of china?
A tote of shoes in the closet of the spare room- every pair was missing the strings- weird...
Every time we wanted to throw something on the grill we had to go buy a new box of aluminum foil...WTH do we have aluminum foil bandits living in the laundry room?
Now for some reason and I don't know why if I get agitated or mad I start cleaning. I'm talking about chucking the furniture around like I'm the incredible hulk style of cleaning. I was angry at something that happened at work and came home and literally just started cleaning and pulled the cushions of the couch to vacuum and found a bent spoon with a burned black mark on the bottom.
I picked it up and wiped the black mark and HOLY COW... that was the moment I finally figured out what those black smudges were in my bathroom These marks weren't there all the time, I only found them when our son stopped by. I knew what they are now.
From there the puzzle in my mind started and I started connecting all of the dots. Who? What? When? That sort of stuff.
It hit me whenever my son visited he came in and said, I've gotta go to the bathroom. When he went to the bathroom he was in there for what seemed hours. What are you doing? When will it be time for the next group to go? Did you fall in or something? Hello... Hello...
The next time he came here I wouldn't even let him in the door. Oh no, you got to go, leave, get out of here!! You don't have to leave but ya gotta get the heck off my porch.
He was just visiting. We told him that He was not allowed to visit or be around us when he was using. He needed to respect us that we didn't like him using, we didn't want it anywhere near our home and just how much we hated drugs of any kind.
Now, this is a Bill Engvall Here's Your Sign... moment. The sign was flashing many colors but there it was!!!
Even then we didn't know it was heroin. I looked online at drugs and spoons and all sorts of drugs came up- crack and others.
It would be several months later before we learned it was indeed called heroin. This is nothing you can smell.
Of course by this time they've been using for some time. This wasn't a fluke. It wasn't like this was the first time. Don't deny it. You'll feel much better in the end- trust me.
Don't blame yourself for not knowing!! I know you will. I'm just telling you DON'T!!! It wasn't you. You had nothing to do with it.
Why blame yourself when you didn't know. We all want to believe that none of our kids would ever use drugs so no... stop blaming yourself. Unless the umbilical cord is still attached to them which it is not you really didn't know.
How would you know if you didn't know what to look for?
And well how many of us parents even think their kids would be using drugs? None of us!
Some personal signs I noticed from my son:
This is the Heroin/Opiate abuse: The Classic Textbook Signs of what they tell us are the signs of heroin/opiate abuse.
Part II: The Enabler
© 2016 Gossip Girl
Our son has not lived with us for many years however here is some of the things I can tell you about dealing with an addict. We found it really doesn't matter if they live with you or not.
I have divided this into five or six posts because there are a lot of things I learned. Let's start with the signs.
The Earliest Signs Do Get Missed:
Trust me here. What we know now and what we didn't even know about heroin and opiates unless they have a sign flashing or they come right out and tell you. No, you will miss it whether they live in your home or not. Even if you see them a lot, you'll miss it. Why? Because I really don't think as parents we are looking for the signs in the first place. We can see a lot of odd behavior and in our minds, we somehow sweep it away to mean something else.
Our son didn't live with us and one day I happened to notice that I had three spoons left from my dollar store bought set. It's only me, the hubby and the dog here. I accused the hubby of throwing out the spoons to the trash. Why would you throw away our good set of china?
A tote of shoes in the closet of the spare room- every pair was missing the strings- weird...
Every time we wanted to throw something on the grill we had to go buy a new box of aluminum foil...WTH do we have aluminum foil bandits living in the laundry room?
Now for some reason and I don't know why if I get agitated or mad I start cleaning. I'm talking about chucking the furniture around like I'm the incredible hulk style of cleaning. I was angry at something that happened at work and came home and literally just started cleaning and pulled the cushions of the couch to vacuum and found a bent spoon with a burned black mark on the bottom.
I picked it up and wiped the black mark and HOLY COW... that was the moment I finally figured out what those black smudges were in my bathroom These marks weren't there all the time, I only found them when our son stopped by. I knew what they are now.
From there the puzzle in my mind started and I started connecting all of the dots. Who? What? When? That sort of stuff.
It hit me whenever my son visited he came in and said, I've gotta go to the bathroom. When he went to the bathroom he was in there for what seemed hours. What are you doing? When will it be time for the next group to go? Did you fall in or something? Hello... Hello...
The next time he came here I wouldn't even let him in the door. Oh no, you got to go, leave, get out of here!! You don't have to leave but ya gotta get the heck off my porch.
He was just visiting. We told him that He was not allowed to visit or be around us when he was using. He needed to respect us that we didn't like him using, we didn't want it anywhere near our home and just how much we hated drugs of any kind.
Now, this is a Bill Engvall Here's Your Sign... moment. The sign was flashing many colors but there it was!!!
Even then we didn't know it was heroin. I looked online at drugs and spoons and all sorts of drugs came up- crack and others.
It would be several months later before we learned it was indeed called heroin. This is nothing you can smell.
Of course by this time they've been using for some time. This wasn't a fluke. It wasn't like this was the first time. Don't deny it. You'll feel much better in the end- trust me.
Don't blame yourself for not knowing!! I know you will. I'm just telling you DON'T!!! It wasn't you. You had nothing to do with it.
Why blame yourself when you didn't know. We all want to believe that none of our kids would ever use drugs so no... stop blaming yourself. Unless the umbilical cord is still attached to them which it is not you really didn't know.
How would you know if you didn't know what to look for?
And well how many of us parents even think their kids would be using drugs? None of us!
Some personal signs I noticed from my son:
- If your loved one suddenly cannot keep a job
- If you find that they are sleeping all of the time
- No attention span when talking to them. They appear they are nodding out which is what it is called.
- Uncontrollable eyes- especially when they are under the influence of heroin. Their eyes appear all over the place. I even commented What is up with your crazy eyes?
- They cannot hold a conversation without dropping off to sleep.
- Under the influence, their speech is slurred but you cannot smell alcohol.
- It's 120 outside and they are wearing hoodies and sweat pants.
This is the Heroin/Opiate abuse: The Classic Textbook Signs of what they tell us are the signs of heroin/opiate abuse.
Part II: The Enabler
© 2016 Gossip Girl
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