Thursday, May 19, 2016

Things I've Learned From Loving An Addict: The Insanity Of Loving An Addict

It's been said that Insanity is...

Doing the same thing over and over  repetitively expecting a different result each time.

This is the insanity of loving an addict... The easiest way to describe all the feelings on the insanity of loving an addict is that it feels like you visited an amusement park you didn't want to go to in the first place and I'm on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs and cannot and do not know how to get off of. 

We spend so much time denying a loved one has a problem with addiction and drugs. We deny the problem because deep down we are afraid of what we'll find out. Often deep down we know, our heart is telling us. We deny, cover up the problem and spend so much effort into trying to fix it.

Even when we know what it is and can call it what it is- a heroin addiction it is easy to still be in denial. Even when we deny we still accept their explanations.

We  lie and cover up for our loved one and their problem with addiction. We are afraid others will find out. What will others think? This is because likely due to the embarrassment that any addiction to drugs places on you and your family.

And well...

Who really wants others thinking bad things about our loved ones addicted to drugs? We want others to love them too for the person that is inside the addiction. Often when others discover they don't understand the mind of an addict and so they tell you things that can often send you into a whirlwind as well.

How hard do you think it is to admit that you are powerless over your loved ones addiction? Especially when you spend so much time concentrating on fixing something you had no control over in the first place.

We spend so much time trying to change them and fix them that it turns into an obsession.

How hard do you think it is to convince yourself that you had nothing to do with this? When all the times you confronted your loved one about their drug problem they blame you for it. So here you go in a mind spin thinking back to times that they were babies wondering if you really did do something in the way you raised them.

We love the addict and want to do everything in our power to help our addicted loved one- but we also don't trust them.

Although we find it hard to believe them and yet we still fall for their manipulation. We often will enable them to death or at least until we have no more money yourself.

We have enough qualifications to be a detective but we don't have a certificate.

We spend so many sleepless nights awake, fearful for our loved one.

We can go from praying for our loved one to get help and in the next prayer be praying for God to just take our loved one home so they don't have to suffer with this anymore.

We spend so much of our time and your energy concentrating on our loved one who is addicted to drugs. We try so hard to control it by fixing it when we are powerless to cure it.

We are so guilt ridden thinking this is something that we did this or we caused this that we concentrate so much on this it can often leave you feeling depressed.

The emotions alone make us hurt in places we don't realize we even had muscles there.

How hard do you think it is to accept that you cannot cure your loved ones addiction to heroin when all we want is for them to get better?

This is the insanity of loving an addict and then the day comes that I have to realize and admit that I am powerless over the power of heroin and addiction and the grip that it has on someone I love so much.

© 2016 Gossip Girl

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