This is our son when he is clean and free of heroin's grip:
I have to get those things out of my mind. The easiest way for me to do that is writing. In those darkest hours I want others to see that someone else has been there too. They are not alone.
Just so you know I am not proud of this. Some of you may not understand why I even posted this. I want to share the times like this so that others know I too have been there. We know how you feel when someone you love too does stupid things to support their addiction. My son just did something very stupid. He broke into a home. The video was all over Facebook yesterday. I was notified "Just look what your son is doing"
This is our addicted son:
Watching it was the most painful. I haven't seen him since January and when I saw the video he is wasted away to nothing. Although the video is in black and white I can see the deep dark circles around his eyes. A painful reality of what heroin does physically to the outside of the body. What this drug does to the mind and what a user will resort to just for a fix.
Of course in all of this some painful words were spoken- a back and forth- and I thought just where did I put that one story I was working on about beating myself up over this because Lord, here we go again!
I notified the hubby at work and was waiting for him to come home so that he could see it and then together we were going to contact the people to tell them that was our son, who he is; that he is addicted to heroin and that we were so very sorry he did that to their family. When the hubby came home the video was gone so once again a back and forth text exchange of "where the hell is the video" and "send it back".
Sometimes things don't work out like that of course and someone close to me did all the work before we got the chance. People close to me hate it because I think they believe that I protect him, even when he makes the wrong choices. Unfortunately, as we know we can't protect them when they do wrong.
Those close to me cannot grasp that this is the powerful hold of heroin. If it were not for that drug my son wouldn't be doing those things. Many close to me do not understand the power of this drug or its hold on the user. They tell me things like "he chose this, he did this to himself" and in fact he did. It's because he is an addict. Some of them try to pray for him and in their prayers the words spoken make me want to scream and hang up the phone.
I think the video reminded me that my son is making very bad judgements which can get him killed. We have no clue where he is although someone told us he's been staying a long the railroad tracks in Inwood. He won't come around us like this because he knows from his past use of this drug that it starts a fight over disrespecting us. We don't want to see him like this. We only want our son to get better and live a better life. So today all I can tell you is that he is living along the railroad tracks somewhere in the southern part of Berkeley County.
I am not proud of our son and what he is doing- breaking into a home. I shared this because this is how bad it can get when they need that fix.
This folks is why my fight is so strong for the treatment center here! I don't want my son doing this stuff.
He will likely be picked up and taken to jail and he should he is breaking the law. He will once again detox at the jail and we know the Jail is not a treatment center. We also know the percentage of failure for repeat is 100%.
Just so you know we did notify the people and tell them his name and that we are his parents and that he is addicted to heroin and how very sorry we are that he did this.