Friday, May 6, 2016

The First Step Is Admitting There Is a Problem

Our Adult Child Is Addicted To Heroin/Opiates In the words of Mr. James Boyd We have to call it what it is. The first step to a problem is admitting the problem exists. It does and it is very real. The first time I denied this problem in the beginning. I refuse to this time. So I will get that out right now.

Here is where we are at this very minute with our son who is addicted to heroin. Here is what we do know as well as some of his past history with abusing heroin/opiates.

He was clean for a few years and relapsed what I now know is about one and a half to two years ago.
He's pretty good at hiding those early signs from us from his past use and abusing heroin and opiates.
We do know this time that heroin is much cheaper than street bought prescription opiates. This problem is supply and demand. We know now that if he's begging for $40 or $60 he is seeking street bought prescription opiates. If he's begging for $20 then he's likely seeking heroin.
He also doesn't live with us. It is much harder when they don't live with you or you don't see them anymore or as in our case, we have no clue where he is living or staying.

Our son is an addict
Although he will deny it. He at least hasn't gotten to that place yet where he has contacted me to say, "Mommy I need help"
We, however, do admit his problem and we do call it what it is, he is an addict and abuser of heroin/opiates
His drug of choice is heroin and often street bought prescription opiates
He uses and abuses heroin and opiates. We've been told by those who do see and talk to him that it is both
He has a history of IV drug use
He has abused heroin/opiates in all the various ways. Shooting it up by means of a needle.
He has tattoos so spotting his track marks is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
He also has snorted it and often he smokes it.
He is a liar
He told us in January that he was in a treatment facility out in Huntington, West Virginia and was home on leave for the weekend. He asked me for $20 to give to his ride to take him back. Then he asked that we take him to give the $20 to the ride. Now let me tell ya. What a fool I am. When we got back there over the mountain oh I knew immediately. I threw down the cards and called bullshit. We got into an argument over it all the way back and I saw him one other time in January. We haven't seen him since.
He is stealing and committing crimes due to his addiction and abuse of heroin and opiates
We know of at least two warrants currently out for him. We don't understand the process of the police allowing the warrants to pile up when they know where he is even though I don't.
He has prior use of heroin/opiates and is also known for crimes he committed in the past due to his heroin addiction.
He also broke into my parent's house, but only made it onto their enclosed porch. My parents came home before he had actually gotten into their home by means of climbing through their window.
We do know that he will likely detox at the ERJ.
Intervention
We know from his prior use that intervention only works on him when he is drug sick.
We don't even know where he is but we know from his past history that if he is committing crimes to support his addiction he has been drug sick.

Outward Physical Signs
I just recently saw him on a surveillance video breaking into a home. I can see from the video that he has lost a lot of weight.
On the video, we can see that he has huge dark circles around his eyes.
He hides track marks in his tattoos
His History of Abusing Heroin and Opiates and Medical Standpoint:
He gets depressed especially when he is drug sick. Due to this he has contemplated and once attempted suicide years ago.
In the past when he has tried to detox on his own he had seizures from detoxing without medical supervision.
We do believe from his prior use that he does have hepatitis. Last year when he was going to the Martinsburg Institute for methadone I asked him about it and he acted like I pulled that out of the sky.
Before he stopped going to the methadone clinic he told me that they had discovered something wrong with his kidney's. I know he has had no further follow up with a physician about that health concern.
I am I used to be the Enabler
His first time abusing heroin and opiates I was his biggest enabler. I too learned a lot of lessons that first time. This time I refused to be caught up in that tangled web. His last time the minute I stopped enabling him he started stealing from us (and others). I went through a savings account and depleted a CD account back then before I even realized I was pulled into this as the enabler.
This time there is absolutely nothing to enable him with. I am currently laid off from my job and we had to purchase a new vehicle and now have a car payment on top of our own household needs.  I refuse to be destitute over his addiction. I do know that this time we know he has taken items from us- you know- their real subtle about that. It's often several months before you even realize something is missing.
Things We Do Know:
He is thirty-one years old and has had a problem with addiction for the last eleven years.
He hasn't lived with us in our home since 2004. At this time we do not even know where he is staying or where he is at.
He hasn't worked since he was laid off from his job two years ago although for a time he was doing some side work.
His girlfriend of several years broke up with him due to his abusing heroin and because of the lying and the stealing.
We learned recently that he has had a secret type of relationship with his ex-wife who is also a heroin addict and has a past of dependency on him for her own drug needs.
When we have confronted him about his addiction he has a history of becoming aggressive, but only with us- his parents. He has pushed and shoved me, called me all sorts of names, told a police officer once that I was the drug user and used drugs his entire life. For some reason, he has on two occasions tried to butt heads with his dad to where they were nose to nose screaming at each other.
Other:
We know this is desperate time in his addiction
We know that he can overdose from his using.
We know and are constantly afraid he will get ahold of something mixed with poisons which will take his life
From seeing him on a video I believe that he is having some very dire medical problems at this time associated with his addiction.
We know he could break into a home and be injured or killed
Now, you would think that since he has a prior use of heroin/opiates that we would be pros at this. Oh No!!! We aren't which is why I often reach out to others.
We know the first time we made some mistakes in keeping track of his recovery as well as making sure he had outside support to help ensure his continued recovery.
Our first rodeo with this was way different. We were alone. We did not know what to do because we never had to face something like this before. We didn't and still don't know what it is we need to do in these some of the most critical of times.
The stigma of loving someone addicted to heroin/opiates is enough to make someone want to hide.
Our first time dealing with this when we tried reaching out to officials we were told more than once that our son was a piece of trash. That alone was enough to make us want to hide in a cave.
As already mentioned we know that our son will likely detox in jail. Although his first time they had a history of releasing him on a PR type bond. As sad as it sounds, it doesn't help when they do that. It allows for more crimes as well as puts his life in more danger.
I have some postings about that so will not repeat.


And...this is why I am writing all of this... because maybe someone will find this blog and be right here at this very minute and hopefully I can help or have some answers to help someone else

Where do we go from here? Really this is the end of the road for us. The rest is up to our son. He has to admit that he has a problem and has to want to reach out himself.
© 2016 Gossip Girl

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