Today's post is about confronting your loved ones with your feelings about their addiction. Trust me when they aren't ready to admit they even have a problem these times are very confrontational aren't they?
Now I am assuming by this point you are not in denial anymore that your loved one has a problem with drugs. Heroin and opiate abuse shuts off the part of the brain that deals with sympathy and empathy. No one ever told me that
Whenever we confronted our adult son with words like, "we're afraid you are going to die" It pretty much played out like several scenes from the movie, The Exorcist and he felt pushed him into a corner.
Every time we had a confrontation with our son I wanted to say blessings in every room of the house, smudge and burn sage afterward. This is also a time when they will start blaming you, their childhood and their upbringing for their drug problem.
Confronting Them About The Problem:
Have plenty of tissues because their laughing at you and blaming you for this problem will make you want to cry. Whether or not someone addicted to heroin and/or opiates lives in your home. Trust me just wait until you start voicing your opinion at what they are doing to themselves just abusing this powerful drug.
Now I don't know if it was the choice of words I used I don't know. And definitely, do not whatsoever try to seek out the empathy side of their brain. It is damaged right now from using the drug. I think it was more an empathy plea to him telling him about what his abusing heroin was doing to the family.
Our son laughed at me when I said anything. I'm not talking about smirking at me. He literally cracked up laughing in my face as if someone had farted. He also was texting it out to his friends so they could have a good laugh at my expense. Let me tell ya after so many times of being laughed at whenever he came by I sang the Mr. Rogers Neighborhood song and treated him to milk and cookies.
I told him if you act like you're in the third grade, well that's how you'll be treated. Oh, he cursed and told me how f^&^'d up that was to do to him. He stopped coming around because he didn't like the way we were treating him. Imagine that? How we were treating him!
Remember I said how great they get at manipulating? Be prepared to hear things.
They will tell you stuff like brothers and sisters use it, all your friends are using it, their aunts and uncles are using, cousins are just as addicted the elderly man next door is on it AND if you allow it you'll even believe the dog and cat are abusing heroin.
This is a trigger mechanism for when they feel trapped. It'll seem like they just threw even the mailman under the bus. I didn't know this and went after everyone my son told me was using heroin as if he were preaching the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
Trust me don't assume and you won't be left feeling like an ass made outta you in the end.
Most people don't know this and assume the disease of the addiction has spoken pure honesty. Nope!!!
I also had well-meaning people who kept telling me he just needs some tough love. Tough love may work on teenagers but on an adult addict- no at least for our son it didn't.
Tough Love:
Oh, those on the other side can easily give you that advice.
He doesn't live here, so we really can't throw him outta the house or evict him. If we disown him then what reason would he really have for wanting to get clean?
So no, nothing about the teenager tough love stuff you were ever told worked with an adult addict.
Now we did tell him that he wasn't allowed to visit us when he was using. He wasn't allowed at our house when he was using. He wasn't allowed to bring that garbage into our home ever. There was a time that I knew he had used in our bathroom. Oh No. He needed to respect our feelings about how much we hated heroin.
And I guess he did listen to us. That is no doubt why we don't know where he is at right now. Now maybe all addicts are different I don't know. This is how confronting the demons of heroin was played out in our house.
© 2016 Gossip Girl
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