Friday, June 30, 2017

Getting Off The Crazy Ride of Addiction

This is a post I wrote several months ago right before the April A-Z Challenge. I mentioned in an earlier post that I have had some computer troubles. Add that to the slow Internet service here and it meant taking a disconnect.

The past two weeks have been spent on the addiction roller coaster. I just want off this crazy ride! This week has been spent thinking and rethinking. Maybe that is the problem that I either think too much or overthink.

I have decided that I'm getting off the crazy roller coaster that often pulls me. I am taking some steps backward away from our son- away from addiction not because I don't love him. I think it's because I love him too much. We all know that love doesn't cure heroin addiction.

Now, I just want you to know that in backing away this doesn't mean I don't care. It means I am tired of the insanity. I have to back away in order to save myself. I was always his enabler, the codependent in most of his years of addiction.

The past has taught me a lot of things I will not repeat. No more denial. No more lies. I didn't cause this. Although  I tried to cure it for many years. It got me nowhere. I have realized that I cannot cure the addiction. I have over the past weeks read messages where he twisted my words around to suit the moment. Maybe he saved many moments like that for the mental relapse. I will not play that game ever again. I also learned from the past that I cannot control the addict, the addiction, or what this addiction has done to his mind.

He has many phone numbers of the resources to call. He knows the people who want to help him. The rest of it is up to him.

I asked myself the question, my kids are all grown up so why are they still driving me crazy? The answer is because I allow them to.

pic from Facebook
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