Friday, October 7, 2016

Things I've Learned From An Addict

Any lessons I've learned have proven to be due to getting caught up in the tangled web of enabling adult kids.

Are we the only parents who have a couple of kids who...

We flinch when the phone rings and we see it is one of our kids?


Have kids who act as though we have nothing to do but wait on them to call because they need us to do something for them?

Only call when they want something? Mostly just money

They need cigarettes, gas for their car-
they are unemployed and looking for work- really!

Act as though we have hit it big in the lottery? OR We have chickens laying golden nuggets?

Think that when they need money, we should have it to give them?

Paying for or funding a vehicle?

I have over the years loaned out two vehicles to one of the kids- He didn't have a vehicle and I wanted to help. We worked at the same place and he left me stranded without a ride to work on many occasions. I was also paying the insurance each and every month. He left it on the side of road abandoned  when the head gasket blew and I had to have it towed home.

When he returned my car it was totally gone- motor destroyed- he forgot to add fluids.

Another vehicle he put in his name. Never leave the title of your car in the glove box when you loan a car out.

And just last year I bought him a car because he was crying he wouldn't have a way to work. The day after- he wrecked it- and never returned to his job.

Although he asked me and begged me- I have never added a line to my phone for him. BECAUSE...

Twice for two adult children they asked to be added to our car insurance and they would pay over and beyond the payment we were paying. That never happened.

Providing a place to live?

If this includes crashing at my house on my couch- then yes- many, many, times over the years.

Bailing them out of jail?

Oh yes- this time he had the bail money but I got wrangled into signing the bond.

I can't do this anymore!

I have learned to give them food and feed them when they are hungry. Put a little gas in their gas tank yourself if you want to. Don't give in to money for any reason. What if the money you give them is the last high they get before they die from an overdose?

Get help from others. Call Help 4WV. Go to a NarAnon meeting. Reach out to the groups in the community on Facebook. Seeking professional help for your loved one will save their life.

By all means try to get your loved one into treatment. Addiction is a treatable disease. People do recover and they get better from it. The road is long but with the proper foundation in place and positive people in their lives they will long productive lives.

When you have to answer that phone ask your loved one if they are ready for treatment.

Treat it like the disease it is. Hoping your loved one will just stop or just say no will never work. When you start treating addiction like the disease that it is and you remove the crutch which is your enabling you will find it will become much easier to talk to your loved one about getting treatment.

With a good treatment plan in action this disease is treatable for life!

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