Never Forget Them: Tiffany's Story

Today is a posting of Gone, But Never Forgotten. This is Tiffany's Story through the eyes of her mother, Kathy. She writes:

My world turned upside down in 2011, when my 20 yr old daughter admitted to being addicted to heroin. She was in college and had planned to work in the medical field. For fear that her dream and goal in life would be shattered, she asked me to help her, but not to tell anyone. 
She explained to me that she had experimented with heroin in 2010, but was able to stop on her own.  Not everyone is that lucky. She became pregnant with my granddaughter, and tried to do everything just right. She ate healthy, went to all her doctor appointments, and so on. She had a hard delivery and we had quite a scare with the baby. 

When they were released from the hospital, I picked them up and took them home to start their new life.  In the next few weeks, she asked me to help her with the baby, as she was nervous being a new mom. Little did I know that she was suffering from post partum depression. 

At her 6 week check up, she was asked about depression. She was afraid to admit that she was depressed because she thought they would take the baby away from her. She began to self medicate, which led her back to heroin. 

This time, she was unable to stop using on her own. Her addiction and depression turned out to be a deadly combination. 

Eventually, she and the baby moved back in with me. Unfortunately, addiction was not discussed by many due to shame and the stigma associated with it. We were on a path that we knew nothing about. 

I attempted to do some research and apply what I had learned. For a short while, it seemed to help and to the best of my knowledge, she was not using heroin. I found out later that she was still feeding the addiction that was raging inside her, through other means. 

Her already dysfunctional relationship with her boyfriend, who is also addicted to heroin, had gotten worse and included violence. She eventually left my house and went where her drug use was overlooked and accepted. It became apparent that her drug use had become much worse and she was in a downward spiral. 

As a parent, I felt helpless and didn't know where to turn. I was hoping this would pass. She was working a full time job. She loved and cared for her daughter. She was an exceptional mother, not someone who neglected her child in order to use drugs. She was a functional addict. 

She had a heart of gold, always wanting to help someone. She was well liked by her co workers and customers. It was hard to believe that she was addicted to heroin. 

The tell tale signs started...things missing and turning up at pawn shops...money missing...stories that didn't make sense...new friends that she didn't go to school with, or work with, and that didn't live close by.  A parents worst nightmare. 

Arguments...a familiar scenario for many parents. The day came when I realized that I could no longer keep It to myself.  I had no idea who to tell, so I took a shot in the dark, and went to the police station.  It was explained to me that I would need to fill out an Order of Hygiene. They would pick her up from her job and try to get her treatment for 3 days! I was beginning to feel relieved because she would be able to get the help that she wanted and needed. 

She would again be afraid of losing her daughter and this would be the push towards recovery!  WRONG...

After meeting with the crisis worker and filling out the Order of Hygiene, it was DENIED, for LACK OF FACTS...I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  I had no clue where to turn to next.  No other suggestions or possibilities were presented to me. 

A little over a month later, on November 7, 2014 at 11:04pm, I received the phone call that no parent should ever receive. I blindly picked up the phone and heard "Kathy, get up here, your daughter is DEAD"! 

I flew to the location and watched the first responders bring her out on a stretcher, but shielded my view. No one would tell me that she was dead, for sure. It seemed like hours at the hospital for confirmation, although in reality, it was less than an hour. 

Eleven days later, I viewed her lifeless body for the first time. A scene I often see when I close my eyes and try to sleep. 

The next couple months were a blur. And then, I knew what I needed to do, and that was to help someone else.  The help that was denied to my daughter.  After becoming active in the community by speaking up about the epidemic, trying to dispel the stigma associated with addiction and mental health, and letting people know they are not alone in this fight, I have found there are many people who have, and still are,struggling with addiction. 

This was a problem long before my daughter's death.  If only...if only someone would have let us know we were not alone.  If only there were help in our area. 

While prevention is very important, there are many people that prevention is too late for. Sadly, there are some that will never be reached.

However, there are so many that want help, with no one to turn to. NO ONE is immune to addiction.  If only you knew the most unlikely people that suffer from it. Hopefully, instead of Berkeley County being known for our heroin problem, we can be known as the community that took a stand and worked towards a solution.

By sharing our story, maybe a life can be saved. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

Tiffany's mother Kathy is very active in our community with advocating and helping others whose lives are being drastically impacted by heroin and abuse here in Berkeley County, WV. I am often amazed by her strength through all of this. She is a light to a lot of us.

We see her as a strong woman on the outside keeping it together as she speaks about her daughter's fight and then losing her battle with heroin and addiction in this heroin epidemic. On the inside she continues to mourn her daughters death. Kathy continues to keep her daughters memory alive and remain strong in the fight over the heroin epidemic that has taken over our community. Thank you so much Kathy for sharing Tiffany's story. Kathy is a warrior.

Please visit Kathy's Facebook Group, WV Community Against Heroin and Other Drug Addictions

picture and story © 2016 Kathy Stephens-Butts