The reality of heroin and this addiction is that there are so many marriages that bear the battle scars. There are so many couples who are torn. The co-dependency of trying to hold it together and keeping the pieces from falling off onto the floor are greater than we can imagine.
I have met so many people whose marriages and relationships have not been able to withstand this. We are twelve years into our sons addiction and the first years I wondered if we were strong enough to make it through this. We did, by the Grace of God make it through- not un-tattered. Not torn but together.
Often our jobs got in the way but we need to work to make our home work. We had friends who were no longer married. The television, the movies, the soap operas, the songs everything spoke about this. It seems no one stays together anymore. Even the statistics said very early on in 1981 young marriages don't last. Heck we had a pastor even tell us that we would only be married for two years.
I remember the day our daughter said she wanted to fly and live this life on her own. I started thinking then, what would I say to the hubby? What would I do if he was only here for the kids sake? Dear God please give me the right words to say.
It was 2007 and our daughter-the baby of the family- our last little birdy- was leaving the home. She came and got a load that morning and I noticed that all that was left in her room were a few boxes.
When the hubby got home from work I told him we needed to talk and we sat at the table. I fought back tears telling him this:
I know when we married we were so in love. We were kids then. The kids came along so fast and one by one they have flown. For the past five years we have one who has destroyed his life with heroin and drugs. These years have been so hard on both of us. Neither of us has understood any of it much less the why. So, If you were here until the kids left I will be hurt, but I want you to know I really do understand. I just wanted to tell you that your last little bird has left so it's just me and you now.
He put his hand down on the table pretty hard and he said,
Where is all of this coming from? Didn't you know that these are the years I've been waiting on. Just me, you and of course the dog. We can keep the dog.
I love him so much!!!!
We talked through dinner and made recommitments to each other that through the good times and the bad- we will work together! We are strong and for better or worse we will make it through the good times and the bad times, just like we've always done. I pray each and everyday for us.
The hubby and I have constant dialogue and communication. Each day after we work we talk about the work day. Now that I'm laid off I have loved being a housewife again these past months. I have about another month of playing June Cleaver until returning for the season.
Our home to me has always been my safety net. Whenever anything major happens that's the first thing I say, "I wanna go home."
I'm not saying that we are perfect because that we are not. Our son's heroin addiction has caused conflict between us, but we seem to be strong enough to get it together. All of the kids are gone, all we have left now is each other.
We are writing new chapters of our life. The chapters on heroin and addiction are not what we prepared for.
We need each other now more than ever. We rely on each other for comfort and support. The hubby is the shoulder that gets cried on. Many has been a time over the past twelve years when I've thought the bottom was falling out. He's been right there telling me, Nope- that's not the bottom.
I've said I can't do this anymore. He's carried me because of the many times I've lost strength. I've cried buckets of tears. I've not wanted to leave the house- he never allowed it.
At anytime over these past twelve years he could have said "I'm done with this
I know he's a man but he's also been a rock solid foundation especially for me but also for our family for the past thirty five years.
In case you're wondering, Yes I've told him all of this and more. We have been a constant in each others lives since I was fifteen and he was seventeen. We were best friends and we've never stopped being BFF's.
We have also not stopped talking about those early years. When we met- trust me if I told you our story of meeting for the first time you would crack up laughing. We've never stopped laughing and we've never stopped talking about the reasons we fell in love.