Believe me. I know. As a parent it is hard to understand and it's hard to stop making excuses for our loved ones behavior.
Stop denying the mistakes that our kids make. They are called mistakes for a reason. As hard as it is as a parent we have to allow our kids to make them. Sometimes their mistakes lead to making bad choices.
The mess left will be their mess to clean up in the end. So be it. That is a life lesson.
How will they learn lessons? How will they grow from the mistakes they have made?
And YES, this also means even if they are using and abusing heroin or other drugs. Even if they have fallen into that bottomless pit.
We as parents have to allow them to hit that bottom. We have to allow them that fall. I know that is hard. They will never find their bottom as long as we parents are giving them the means to stay in their addiction.
Our kids will never be able to explain it nor why they ever tried heroin so we have to stop pressing them for that answer. Our kids will never be able to explain why they repeated mistakes even when they knew the hole they were digging was too big for them to ever climb out of.
They can never explain it, BUT we have to allow them to STOP making excuses. We as parents have to stop making excuses for their addictive behaviors. It starts with stopping the enabling. We cannot ever expect them to reach their bottom when we are throwing them the rope. We have to allow them to own it.
We have to allow that no one ever forced them to do anything they didn't want to do. Yes they were no doubt influenced. Yes they were probably manipulated into it, but in the end our kids said, YES!
Rather than making excuses for them, not blaming everyone including yourself, there comes a time that we have to make them (or allow them)... own it! We as parents have to show them that they are being held accountable.
They don't have to explain it, but they do have to learn from it!
Now, you might wonder why this is so important?
Holding our sons, daughters or loved one accountable is forcing them from the victim mentality of the disease and will allow them the challenge gaining victor mentality over their addiction.
It will put them back in control of their life.
Those in recovery should rise up to the challenge and be empowered. Know you are worth it! Being a victor in this disease will help them in their first steps of recovering from this disease.
We as the parents need to stop with the victim mentality and take control over our own lives. We as parents need to take on the victor mentality by realizing that our child can recover from this disease and be free of the disease of addiction. We have to allow this in order for recovery and healing for ourselves.
We as the parents are in control of your own lives but by realizing all of this we in fact are on the first step of healing ourselves.