I have those who say, if your addict is mad at you then you are doing it right. Right now mine is still talking to me. I don't know. I tried calling him and it went to voice mail. Does that mean he is blocking me again?
To some reading, I know when you see some words in posts you are no doubt led to click the X at the top of the post to stop reading.
That is okay. I do not expect those who do not live this to even understand how we can talk pretty frank about words like living and dying. Unfortunately for us, it is something we think about daily when someone we love suffers this disease. This is something my family unit has been going through since roughly 2004/2005 which is the earliest we suspect our son had first started dabbling into the underworld of heroin. I wouldn't know what it is like to live daily without heroin and addiction. I wish for one day I could speak and the words would no longer be a part of my vocabulary.
This week he's talked very candidly about life and death. It is weird. A normal mom would probably lose her mind, to me, it is something I prepare for each and every day.
I do want to tell you as of today, we know he is struggling and the addiction is winning. I don't think it's too late, but the rest is up to him. He is an adult. I can only talk to him like that. I cannot make doctors appointments and force him to go to them.
Last June one doctor after a CT Scan mentioned the C- word to him. At that time he had several spots on his prostate indicative to cancer. His liver is also bleeding. He never went back for follow ups. He still has several health matters that he didn't get checked in the months since he came home. Another potential health matter has shown up in the form of a growing mass in his chest. The stress and worry have led him back to dark places inside his mind.
As of yesterday, I would say the voice of his addiction in his head is winning. His words to me, I can tell you he has chosen that if it is indeed cancer, then that is what it will be. He said he is comfortable knowing that he will die. He said he just doesn't care anymore.
We are just learning about the mass in his chest while others knew. I always wonder, why is it that not one person minds calling us, or contacting us while he's doing bad things brought on by the addiction and telling us, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR SON IS DOING? Yet others knew about a mass- a very big deal- and not one person called, texted or messaged us. WHY IS THAT?
So, that is where we are at. What about you? Are you still struggling with an addiction? Do you know someone struggling with an addiction to drugs? Do you know of someone who has found recovery?
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