Friday, August 12, 2016

An Update: That Which I Cannot Control

In April as our sons addiction spiraled way out of control we realized we could not hide in shame anymore. So many factors came into light. That would also be the last time we would be allowed to visit with two of our grandsons.


I will remember that Sunday for a very long time. Their crying and begging us to please save their dad because they were afraid he was going to die is just something you cannot put aside in your mind.

We needed help.

We needed to surround ourselves with those who were here, right here themselves loving someone addicted to heroin.

We did a memorial on the grounds of the proposed treatment center here in Martinsburg, WV in the hopes of bringing heroin into the light. In the hopes that others who have stayed in the stigma of this addiction would come forward also. You are not alone. None of us are ever alone. We did this to tell others that they are not alone. About thirty others showed up as we lit a candle.

I often go back and revisit that post and watch and listen to the video made that day of our Community Awakening to keep that day fresh in my mind.

We started going to NarAnon. We have found comfort attending the meetings. Meeting others there who are just like us, loving someone who uses and abuses drugs. The release of just being able to talk about it in a non judgement zone was such a wonderful feeling.

Those there understand us. We have a bond with each other because of addiction. We understand those that come that we are all going through this together. We understand each others pain. We cry together and we celebrate the joys of recovery when we hear them.

Today...

Often walking away feeling that the release feels wonderful!

The day we took our son to Huntington, WV the closer we got to the city the less I could feel the worry and the tension about our son released just a little more.

For once in a long time we would know where he was at. He was there in the hopes that he would find recovery. Huntington, the place which would be the solid foundation on which he would rebuild his life once again. Out of the pits of this addiction to find his life again.

For once in a very long time I felt a peace of mind- a serenity if you will.

As much as I would love to hold onto every minute, I also have to let most of it go and breathe again.

Trusting that he honestly has this and isn't filling my head with words he knows I want to hear.

These kids have that, "what I don't know doesn't hurt me" down to a science. In the end it is always the same and they bring the broken pieces back to me to fix.

This month hasn't been easy for us nor for Kyle. He has battled the demons of addiction on a daily basis. He has fallen and he's gotten back up. For a moment he lost his way and then he found his way back.

Letting go of that which I cannot control and honestly never could. Saying thanks for what I can today and the Hope that tomorrow is much better.

As of Wednesday August the 11th. Kyle went back to the house. He is in recovery. He is not using today. Just for today, I feel at ease again in my spirit.

pic taken on Corridor H outside Moorefield, WV
© 2016 Gossip Girl

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